Angels Among Us

WAS THIS AN ANGEL ENCOUNTER?

There was not one moment of thinking or feeling I was going to die, that this was death approaching. I did not leave my body, see bright lights, go through a tunnel, or see other loved ones that had died. But it was violent, sudden, and unexpected.

Photo credit: Duncan Sanchez, Unsplash and edited by yours truly.

I am 69 years old. I take fairly good care of myself. I’m careful, trying my best to be aware of what’s in front of me, of my surroundings, of what I can control to prevent the unthinkable - falls and accidents. But this, this thing that came out of the wind, I could not have known.

I was at work and it was Tuesday evening. I was one of the last to leave. Two co-workers and my boss remained behind in the back offices. It had been a busy two days of moving ship dates across an already busy manufacturing production schedule. I layered up to leave. This is Nevada and it’s still winter. I piled on my sweater, boots, scarf and coat; packed up my things and moved towards the double doors to exit the front of the building. The wind was raging. An eerie audible howl curled around the building like it was trying to get in and it was the third straight day of high winds. I pushed against the 12-foot-high door of steel and glass to leave but the door wouldn’t budge. The wind was fierce keeping the door planted shut. I pushed harder against the right door, this time with my body, and door lurched opened 12 inches. Within one violent swoosh, the wind got inside the building behind the door and sucked everything in it’s way outward. I was one of the things. Somewhere in my brain, a distinct sound registered - the door swinging all the way open, like that of a metal spring when it is pushed beyond it’s capacity. I was catapulted seven feet landing on the sidewalk on my side. Searing pain erupted in the upper side of my thigh. Shock, disbelief, then fear. Did I break something? How do I know if something is broken? I can’t get up, I’m pretty sure of it. How long will I lay here before someone finds me? I had my mind though. It was working because I was thinking, I don’t fucking believe this! No. No! I’ve probably broken something and I didn’t get the bone density scan my doctor had ordered last summer. I can’t be doing this right now! But I was. And there I lay. I don’t know if I lost consciousness or if it was the shock of it all and being in a lot of pain but I wasn’t seeing anything. I wasn’t I trying to focus on anything visual. It felt like being in an ethereal soup of greys, nothing seemed to have color, form, or dimension. I decided to try to roll onto my back and was successful. Like a bowl turned upside down, dark grey clouds looked down at me. Then I began to notice a faint sound, like energetic swarming birds in the distance. It was voices. Women’s voices. Yes, they were definitely behind me.

Then one voice was directly beside and behind me, close enough that I could hear her words, Woman, “Are you okay?”

I mumbled, “I don’t know.”

“Let’s get you up. My daughter’s here and she will help me. Do you think you can get up?”

“I don’t know. Give me a minute.” Something that resembled time passed.

She was patient. More time passed. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to get on one side of you and my daughter will get on the other and we’ll get you off the concrete and get you inside.”

I thought she was an EMT. She sounded confident and knowledgeable.

I uttered, “Give me a minute. I don’t know if anything is broken.” Time stood still then moved.

Woman, “Do you think you can get up now?”

“Yes, I think I can.”

Once I was on my feet I began to collect myself. Glasses still on? Check. My purse? Check-it was still slung across my shoulder. But my lunch bag was nowhere to be seen. The wind had carried it. The daughter fetched it and we went inside. I had questions.

“What is your name?” It was at that time I realized she was Latino. Golden curly hair framed her face with brown eyes soft and expressive. Her name sounded strange, like a mythological goddess. Syllables that formed familiar sounds, “Llamo, Shusi”. She was speaking Spanish then broken English and went on with, “I clean.”

I nodded my head, “Oh, you are the cleaning crew that cleans this building?”

Woman, “Yes. Do you need help to car?”

“I’m going to walk to the back office and let my boss know what happened. Can you wait?”

“Yes.”

It has been one week since the accident. I went to Urgent Care the following day. A few hours and two x-rays later, they told me nothing was broken and that I’m lucky. The NP told me that the all-over body pain I was experiencing was similar to what they see in car accidents. It jolts the entire body, not just the site of impact.

Since I was at work when the accident happened, it was covered under the Worker’s Comp laws in Nevada so there was paperwork. The field, Witnesses to the Accident, had the words from the description I gave to the Urgent Care staff, “Woman who cleans the building”. When I submitted the paperwork to the HR department, she said it would be a good idea to follow up and see if we could get the cleaning ladie’s full name. HR made calls to two of the cleaning agencies that clean our building but after checking their records, they reported back that no one was at our building during that time on the day of my accident.

This wasn’t an NDE (near death experience) but it was something else perhaps. Something that was at the margins of non-ordinary states. An experience that got right up to the edge of the unknown, the ability to be in a different state. The skin, muscles, and bones that were the shell of who I am became more transparent, allowing other perceptions and possibilities to enter. I’m not going to say I’m changed, that this experience has re-directed my life but I have had an influx of joy and creativity enter. I’ve become more curious of strangers and find myself observing the oddness and beauty of being human, feeling alive, and being immersed in the connection to all that is.

I took the photo below two days before the accicent. I snapped it in the parking lot at a local shopping center. I posted it to Notes later that day and it’s made its way around the Substack-verse.

I still love the wind.

Self-portrait with wind and car window